Volando

And now we're down to 3 days.
"How did that happen so quickly" is the worst rhetorical question I am familiar with.
Everything is really flying now.
I'm sitting here with my overwhelmingly-fruity breakfast (red tea, pineapple yogurt, oranges...) and counting my plans on my fingers.

On Christmas, we did not celebrate much. The family came around for lunch, but that was all. In my family here, Christmas is not much of an event, and the little that it is pains my host mother an awful lot because her husband died about a month after and her father died sometime around her as well.
I understand, I know many people who are permanently affected by dates and coincidences. I don't think you can ever change their minds.
However, I did receive some beautiful presents from all of my friends at the BiCafe later that night!

Wednesday night, we threw a big surprise party for our Olivitia at the bar that Chicho owns under their house. I made her change into the beautiful dress that she bought at Zara, which she reluctantly and super confusedly did, and looked like a model.
She has played a big role in molding me into a stronger Spider Morgan.

I miss her a lot, that Olivia.

We went to the BiCafé for the last time on Thursday night, and one by one, all of our friends disappeared with a hug and a tearful kiss. We then sat on the steps to my apartment building at God-knows-what time and cried our eyes out. We cried for the last few breaths of Porriño and the adventure.

Manoli, Iria, and I drove Olivia and her sister Xandra home, and with a final hug and a final beso, Olivia disappeared into her house and is currently safe and sound in Philly. Iria was a hyperventilating, sobbing mess, but I surprised myself by keeping calm, because Manoli really doesn't know what to do with sad people and it stresses her out a lot. She keeps telling me how worried she is about my journey home. I try to reassure her with the fact that they are only airplanes and people fly on airplanes every day, but I think the people here are just generally close-minded about long journeys. I hear stories all the time about people who find awesome, top-notch jobs in Germany or France or something, but end up coming home because the miss their families.
WHAT?!
I don't even want to start to rant about this because frankly there are way too many thoughts buzzing in my brain these days, but how could a parent live with themselves after pressuring their children enough to give up on their dreams?
I know it happens around the whole world, I know family issues such as a dying or sick member can play into this as well, but something so little as "I'm too lonely without you"....????? What a waste of potential.
I have this desire to live more than a normal life, as most people do, I'm sure. But I also have this stubborn little fire in my stomach that won't allow me to let go of the things that are in my control.
Why give up for just a couple people when you can please them by way of negotiation?
I admit that one of my biggest stressors in life is that I try to please everyone at once, and people ALWAYS tells me how bad this is, but I don't see it as a bad thing.
And as a result, look at all the people who can count on me and depend on me.


Whew, getting a little profound and completely off-topic tonight.
I'm starting to regret putting my journal on here.
I'm so thankful for all of these pageviews that literally come in by the hundreds and hundreds from Spain, England, France, Germany, and America, but I feel like I've just made all of these people into characters of a book.
It's just Iván toying with my thoughts again.
Of course I exaggerated for the purpose of a better story.
All of the details were true, but let's be real, I don't want to marry ANYBODY.
I put my lawyer dreams before any vague daydreams of a white dress, eww ewwww.
I haven't even met anybody I wish to call "boyfriend".
I keep hoping to have the chance to explain myself, but does anybody ever get that chance?
So I have settled on forgetting it ever happened.
On to the next adventure, and I will take my memories of the golden days with Paula, Aisa, David, Adrián, Maria, Leila, Pablo, Olivia, Sara, Bianca, and my family along with me when I go.
That is 50x more important.

Sitting here in this beautiful country surrounded by the cozy mountains of Porriño and the looming prospect of seeing all of my best people, I can't help but think there is no way I can even handle this whole "coming home" thing. I have to load myself onto a train on Wednesday and watch Spain pass me by, one little river and a mountain at a time.
I'm so content with all of the situations I had to face and stand up to. I will forever be so appreciative to all of the help I received along the way.
In this very moment I am positively dumbfounded as to how I'm going to get through a foggy first week of real school and my stomach is permanently clenched into a tight little ball at the thought of Goodbye, but I'm sure there's a way.
There is always something else ahead.

P.S. I decided to put the random pictures with Paula by my rant because we are perfect examples of two gals with dreams.