Volando

And now we're down to 3 days.
"How did that happen so quickly" is the worst rhetorical question I am familiar with.
Everything is really flying now.
I'm sitting here with my overwhelmingly-fruity breakfast (red tea, pineapple yogurt, oranges...) and counting my plans on my fingers.

On Christmas, we did not celebrate much. The family came around for lunch, but that was all. In my family here, Christmas is not much of an event, and the little that it is pains my host mother an awful lot because her husband died about a month after and her father died sometime around her as well.
I understand, I know many people who are permanently affected by dates and coincidences. I don't think you can ever change their minds.
However, I did receive some beautiful presents from all of my friends at the BiCafe later that night!

Wednesday night, we threw a big surprise party for our Olivitia at the bar that Chicho owns under their house. I made her change into the beautiful dress that she bought at Zara, which she reluctantly and super confusedly did, and looked like a model.
She has played a big role in molding me into a stronger Spider Morgan.

I miss her a lot, that Olivia.

We went to the BiCafé for the last time on Thursday night, and one by one, all of our friends disappeared with a hug and a tearful kiss. We then sat on the steps to my apartment building at God-knows-what time and cried our eyes out. We cried for the last few breaths of Porriño and the adventure.

Manoli, Iria, and I drove Olivia and her sister Xandra home, and with a final hug and a final beso, Olivia disappeared into her house and is currently safe and sound in Philly. Iria was a hyperventilating, sobbing mess, but I surprised myself by keeping calm, because Manoli really doesn't know what to do with sad people and it stresses her out a lot. She keeps telling me how worried she is about my journey home. I try to reassure her with the fact that they are only airplanes and people fly on airplanes every day, but I think the people here are just generally close-minded about long journeys. I hear stories all the time about people who find awesome, top-notch jobs in Germany or France or something, but end up coming home because the miss their families.
WHAT?!
I don't even want to start to rant about this because frankly there are way too many thoughts buzzing in my brain these days, but how could a parent live with themselves after pressuring their children enough to give up on their dreams?
I know it happens around the whole world, I know family issues such as a dying or sick member can play into this as well, but something so little as "I'm too lonely without you"....????? What a waste of potential.
I have this desire to live more than a normal life, as most people do, I'm sure. But I also have this stubborn little fire in my stomach that won't allow me to let go of the things that are in my control.
Why give up for just a couple people when you can please them by way of negotiation?
I admit that one of my biggest stressors in life is that I try to please everyone at once, and people ALWAYS tells me how bad this is, but I don't see it as a bad thing.
And as a result, look at all the people who can count on me and depend on me.


Whew, getting a little profound and completely off-topic tonight.
I'm starting to regret putting my journal on here.
I'm so thankful for all of these pageviews that literally come in by the hundreds and hundreds from Spain, England, France, Germany, and America, but I feel like I've just made all of these people into characters of a book.
It's just Iván toying with my thoughts again.
Of course I exaggerated for the purpose of a better story.
All of the details were true, but let's be real, I don't want to marry ANYBODY.
I put my lawyer dreams before any vague daydreams of a white dress, eww ewwww.
I haven't even met anybody I wish to call "boyfriend".
I keep hoping to have the chance to explain myself, but does anybody ever get that chance?
So I have settled on forgetting it ever happened.
On to the next adventure, and I will take my memories of the golden days with Paula, Aisa, David, Adrián, Maria, Leila, Pablo, Olivia, Sara, Bianca, and my family along with me when I go.
That is 50x more important.

Sitting here in this beautiful country surrounded by the cozy mountains of Porriño and the looming prospect of seeing all of my best people, I can't help but think there is no way I can even handle this whole "coming home" thing. I have to load myself onto a train on Wednesday and watch Spain pass me by, one little river and a mountain at a time.
I'm so content with all of the situations I had to face and stand up to. I will forever be so appreciative to all of the help I received along the way.
In this very moment I am positively dumbfounded as to how I'm going to get through a foggy first week of real school and my stomach is permanently clenched into a tight little ball at the thought of Goodbye, but I'm sure there's a way.
There is always something else ahead.

P.S. I decided to put the random pictures with Paula by my rant because we are perfect examples of two gals with dreams.

La Noche Buena

Hiiii, Happy Christmas Eve!

Here they call it the "good night" and celebrate it significantly more than Christmas Day itself.
I started off my noche buena day singing villancicos....Spanish Christmas carols!
I wore my funny little headband thingy and bajared into the center of Porriño with my sister and Flor, where I was quickly absorbed into the group of people from my class: Eva, Noelia, Carmen, and three other girls I truly can't remember the name of.....sorry
Loooot's of Spanish speaking today, hip hip hooray!
I totally gave up on trying to follow along with the songs after like, the third one...but then all of a sudden I was being shoved to the front of the group and into the the microphone when that one Spanish Christmas song began....Feliz Navidad.
The pastors leading this group were overjoyed to have someone to be able to teach them how to sing the English words correctly, and thusforth, I ended up singing over and over again this one freaking song in Spanish and English for positively HOURS.
Hours, I tell you.

The two characters I probably write about the most in this story of my Spanish life were there as well; Pablers and Iván.
Are you all familiar with snapchat?
Well, thanks to Pablers, Porriño knows it as well.
Iván told me today that I never have shame, that I am never embarrassed.
Does he even know who he's talking to.......?!
I'm quite flattered that I portray myself as that here.
I decided to be shorter with him today so as not to appear obsessive or whatnot, but you know, that just wasn't very fun sooooo....no more shortness and worrying.


I hung out with Olivia for a while after lunch, and while we were sitting on steps to my apartment, Paula, Maria, and Aisa walked up to us. We were being silly and talking just like normal until Paula suddenly began crying. She sat next to me and we held hands as always and she talked about how sad she was that we are leaving.
I can't even.
I've never had so many people cry over me.
They really care, they really love me.


And then it was family party time!
My abuela, tia Rosa, Paquito, Madre, and sister were all there.
We ate salad and chicken and dessert until very late at night and opened presents. There are still presents and dining to be done tomorrow, the fiestas are not over.
But still, the looks on the faces of Manoli and Iria when they opened my presents to them were beautiful and priceless moments.
When everyone left later, Iria began to cry upon thinking of my return to America.
Tuesday.
It's another terrible Tuesday I'm not looking forward to.
My last day here.

That sinking feeling

Do you know that awful, sinking feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach sometimes?

Like when you take a test that you spent the past week preparing for and find that you just wasted tedious hours studying the wrong material?

Like the first few seconds when you find out that your best friend has jusr stabbed you right in the back?

Like when somebody tells you how disappointed they are in you?

Like when you say something about someone (not necessarily gossip, but something you'd rather the whole world didn't know just yet) and they find out?

Can you picture that feeling?



I have developed a close friendship with Pablers.
Come to think of it, we've always been strong friends.
Lately though, our conversations have gone on a little longer though about important things.
He's that person I feel comfortable in my own skin with.
In fact, the other night we spent a good two-hour long emotional-crying session.
We were sitting on the steps to our apartment building when Iván and his friends filled the sidewalk in front of us. Pablers went to talk to the gente, but Iván leaned against the wall and talked to me about the American movie they were on their way to see.
A pretty little flash of a white smile, and then he was gone.
Nothing new there.
But then when he left, good old Pablers told me something.

He let me know that Iván reads my blog.
I had a feeling that would happen.

You know that sinking feeling I was just describing?
You'd think that this would be the mother of all sinking feelings.
But it's not.
I'm feeling rather indifferent.
I'm not violently regretting any of my words.
It's sufficient to say that I'm not preoccupied.
I'm not worried.
I just don't really care.

I can't really figure out why.
Maybe because it feels so much that I'm just living in an adventurous book?
Maybe I'm okay with being a tad bit crazy for the sake of a more interesting life?

Let the story continue, for the sake of the adventure and for the blog.

Either or, the only sinking feeling I am receiving now is only when I remember that I only have 8 days remaining here.

8 days.

And I still haven't figured out what to get Pedro for Christmas.


Christmas Eve is tomorrow!
It certainly doesn't feel like it, and it is certainly one of the last things on my mind.
My sister is singing Christmas carols for all of Porriño tomorrow with her church, and everyone is going to watch.
Pablo said I should talk to Iván about my sentimientos, but I'd rather not face the situation because it doesn't seem worth the stress for just 8 days remaining.
Maybe it is.
Probably not, though.
Then, there is a big family dinner for "la noche buena" (Christmas Eve).
They celebrate Christmas Eve significantly more that Christmas itself.

I am utterly behind on sleep and exhausted, but tomorrow is an exciting day.
Chao, readers.

My Throat Is On Fire

A little short on time tonight, but here was last Friday:


After tomarring cafe, I went home for lunch and then took a long, long shower while my sister had her friends over to get ready for their class dinner and they were screaming and jumping up and down and listening to hannah montana #whut

My sister looked so beautiful

Olivia came over to do my makeup and get changed because I am absolutely incapable of maquillarme.
I wore a tiny smidge of red lipstick and pretended to be Taylor Swift for just a little bit

The class cena began at 10:30 at the Argentino, with a misty brush of rain.
The table was long and set with fancy folded napkins.

Olivia hopped back on Cloud Nine because the ladrona and Samuel were possibly having problems

All of my friends looked heart-achingly beautiful, especially Aisa

Raúl, mi MAIPS, was finally talking to me again

I kept getting the burning throat feelings but I didn't let a tear slide because Olivia did such a good job with my makeup

Celia couldnt come because she was sick which was so sad because she had organized everything being our class rep and all
Thank you to the moon and back, Celia.

I wore my talllll heels and answered all the"why's" with a simple "I wanna be taller"

Olivia and I ate sandwich mixtas and Pepsi's

We then walked to the Salguierra, a very near and very popular bar, around 1145pm

We all sat around the table talking and spending our last minutes as a class together until around 12:15.

Olivia went to find Bianca and David, but I stayed with Maria and Andrea.
We all went outside because the Salgue is like a sauna and took a million class pictures.

Then I went with Eva to seek the other 1º bach class in the park near the Salgue

Everyone was teasing me about Iván, because everybody knows my life and my exact feelings (sarcasm), and it was annoying as heck because they actually don't know anything about my sentimientos, but I guess I shall not worry about it because I will never see these people ever again in my life if I really dont want to

Anton officially introduced me to the infamous Juan, who was sitting leisurely on the bench in the park whom I have mentioned bastante times but never really had a legit conversation with. He gave me two besos and we ended up talking on Twitter later. MAIPS what

Sergio, from Iria's English class, took pictures of my girls.
My best girls, Eva, María, María, Carmen, Noelia, Aisa
They are my girls.
Since day one.

They walked me home around 2:30 where we ran into Paula, my other best girl, and then I compared stories with my sister for a while and then we fell right to sleep.

Sweet dreams.

xx

Por Fin

Jueves: The last normal day of Spanish school

¡QUÉ ESPECTÁCULO!

I made it through Castellano and Historia just fine, Filosofia as well.

Then I got to TICS.
I just have too many memories there. All of those times that I stared out at those beautiful mountains? Thinking of the long ride ahead, changing families, events to come, holidays, and saying goodbye?
It took me many times to say goodbye to those mountains.
As well, Maria kept looking at me with sad eyes and telling me not to cry.
People, that helps nothing.
I made it through, however. I had to keep avoiding Pablo's eyes because he kept asking me if I was sad and I couldn't answer sanely. I couldn't take my eyes off of my mountains.
When the bell rang, I exploded in the hallway outside, but Paula was right there to collect me. We hid out on the stairs that lead up to the isolated biology lab on the sixth floor and breathed and Paula told me that all of my friends will still be here and that there are plenty of things to look forward to in the future and this is not the end by far.
How did I get so fortunate to meet her?

Once we were normal humans again, we headed back down a couple flights of stairs to meet up with our girls (Bianca, Sarah, Andrea, Olivia, etc) and I was trying to suck my emotions back in until Iván came bounding down the stairs in all of his perfection and Paula burst "Iván! Today was Morgan's last day in TICS!" and he attacked me with a gigantic and rather legitimate hug and the emotions poured out again and he asked me politely not to cry because then he would start crying too.
WHAT
And then we ended up spending a bit of recreo alone as well, having deep conversations about friends and the difference between being popular and being known, and he told me the majo-est things like to enjoy the little time I have here because I will regret it later if I don't and that I still have a wonderful life back at home to look forward to and cute things like this that you never expect out of a male figure in REAL life.

I talked with Pablers for a bit after that and then went to find Aisa and Maria and Paula for my very last recreo. I thought all of my tears were gone when Iván put me on my feet again, but that was a lie. I can generally contain myself but today? I don't have the strength to quit.
Aisa braided my hair and Paula told me over and over how beautiful I am and what a perfect person I am.
I don't know how I will tell these people how absolutley much I love them and what they've done in my life, especially Paula and Pablers.

My last Latin class came around like a meteorite. Marcial gave everybody their grades and then left the room. Celia and Eva began telling me how much they would miss me, and there I went crying again.
I give up on self-containment.
A beautiful friend last year taught me that it's okay to wear your heart on your sleeve sometime because the worst thing that it can ever prove is that you really are human.
Marcial came back in to see my sobbing and everyone told him that it was because I had to leave so soon, and he got all sad and told me what a pleasure it was to have met me and he told me to have good luck in my life and all of the sappiest things he could think of, I'm convinced. It took all of my strength to stitch myself together and give him my Latin books back and thank him graciously. I walked away with that awful burning feeling in your throat.
And then guess what happened?
Sweet, beautiful Celia gave me the pulsera that she always wears as we were walking to English.
Do I even have to say anything more?

My last class was English with dear Olga.
I remember all too well when Olivia and I could hardly wait for some refuge in English class. We could barely sit still waiting for the first class, and here we are, already through with the last.
I ended up thinking too long about this as I was sitting in class and more (yes more, it's safe to say I was super dehydrated after this schoolday) tears leaked out.
Olga noticed and said "Estás bien, Morrgahn?" rather loudly and the whole class knew in two seconds and then I had to try to contain myself again.
That awful throat burning, and OLGA trying to console me.

I was in one piece for lunch time, and then I went for a quick coffee with Olivia.
We sat at the BiCafe with this exact view (I was actually drinking té rojo) and Pablo had the nerve to tweet me this and get me all emotional again.
I don't understand what I'm going to do without this skinny little pest who lives to make fun of me.
He is one of the best friends I've ever had.



So after tomarring, Olivia and I went to the correo store because we have to send some stuff home. If we go over the weight for our checked bags, that could be an awkwardly expensive problem, ¿sabes?
Naturally I ended up carrying the cajas and looking slightly ridiculous, and after finally laughing it off, lo and behold, guess who we ran into?
None other than Iván and that Antón guy.
Iván asked if we had to live in the boxes now.
Yep.
That's exactly what is occurring.
I later took this opportunity to ask him to live with me.
He definitely loves me.

Soooo then Olivia and I headed back to my house to drop off the cajas, but it turned out that Iria, who was harboring the keys, was all the way down in the center of Porriño, so we had to wait and wait in the cold comfort of the rain for awhile until it got dark. Around 8'o clock we went to Porriño's very own Christmas carol show that which Tibi (host mom of Olivia) had several parts in. To our great pleasure, Pablers had a musical, tiny, little, adopted, Chinese sister singing as well, and we got to sit with him the whole time.

To cap off the night, I talked with my daddy for awhile after dinner, and went to bed. Wednesday night I didn't really sleep at all, I felt so sick with some kind of feeling I can't explain, but last night I slept like a baby. It helped to cry my life away a bit, it really did.




Viernes: The last few moments of Pino Manso

This is it. I saw the hallways, the speckled marble floors, the green desks, the brightly colored doors, and the beautiful mountains all for the last time today. I said my goodbyes and didn't let a tear slip. I'll never forget my first day when Lupe brought me, I'll never forget when Sara Nieto and Daisy Lane came right up to talk to the new girls. I'll never forget that blondie from Switzerland, who is so genuine and clever. I won't even forget the ridiculous blinds that take over all of the windows in the classrooms.
We got our grades, and I passed Greek with a 5, English with a 10, and almost science with a 4! I smiled at Sergito for the last time and listened to that obnoxious bell for the last time as well. I can hardly fathom the fact that I have to go back to Bedford and leave all of these people behind me.
We compared notes with all of our friends; Bianca, Adrián, Paula, Sara, the couple whos-names-I-can-never-remember-but-that-I've-known-since-the-first-day, and even Iván; and then that was it. I walked with Paula and Olivia slowly but steadily to the Argentino with Bianca and Leila, and my last day was ya está.
Tonight there is a big class dinner at 10:30pm and everyone is saliring por la noche afterwards. I have a pretty outfit and I will post lots of details and pictures later. I've been excited about this night for a while. Olivia is coming over an hour ahead of time to do my makeup, yipee!
Hasta luego ;)