How weird it feels right now to be sitting on this train without Olivia.
I still remember the first train ride; the door that opened to reveal gominolas, the first few glimpses of how beautiful the detalles of Spain are, and the first hours of a beautiful friendship.
This train is surely not the same one, but it looks like it; turquoise and white chairs with little awkward flecks of blue, yellow, and orange. It's all igual; except for the fact that my adventure is ending, not beginning.
I'm nicely squished between a young and unfriendly businessman and my gigantic maleta because I couldn't lift it over my head. Good. So good.
The cool thing is that I've ended my trip with a success that I'm seeing so very clearly right now. I had a couple problems with my seat and had to talk a lot to a few different people to figure everything out. They all thought I was Spanish.
Wasn't that the point? To live and breathe the life of a normal Spaniard?
Now I can pull of the illusion of one.
Last night I said my goodbyes at the bicafe. I gave away all of my letters and I kissed everyone goodbye one by one just like Olivia had to four long days ago.
I'm glad it was one by one, because a group thing would have been much less personal.
The first to leave were my beautiful David and my lovely Bianca. I held myself together until David gave me his last besos. What a wonderful friend he has been, I am so grateful for him.
Next, Adrián got up to leave. He wrote me the sweetest letter. In fact, he might be one of the sweetest people I know. And thanks to him, o meo galego e perfecto!
Aisa and Paula, the two Spanish girls who I have gotten to know the best, stayed with me out there in the cold for hours. I collected every last second, every last word of our never-ending conversation, every last smile and giggle. I will have them forever.
Aisa left first, around 9:45pm I think. I hated to watch her go. I despise the fact that I won't return to Greek class ever again with her by my side. I loathe that there are no more recreos for her to braid my hair. That girl, she even remembers the very first English word that I helped her with during the first week of school. Hiking.
Paula stayed with me for another half hour. How I will miss her sweet smile and her patience. She is the person here who I can speak Spanish most comfortably with and understand most easily. She wrote me a long letter and gave me something that she bought in London 9 years ago during her first time there...because we always talk about how much we want to move there and live there....oh my Paula. I don't know how I can live without this girl. She has really opened my eyes to a lot of things about this confusing world and my complicated self.
The last goodbye was to Lino, my favorite waiter. He was jealous when I was handing out my letters to everyone, so I wrote him a little excerpt thanking him for being such a handsome and nice waiter and always smiling even when he was clearly having a bad day. After paying for my last café con leche, we said chao and it was over.
All over.
And then I left.
Left. I left the bicafe. I had to leave it.
That drives a hole right through the middle of my heart.
Sara Nieto couldn't make it, which makes me sad all over again. I can't wait to see her beautiful self in the summer smiling and smoking right next to me.
So, my story has come to a complete circle. Everything has been taken care of.
Iván came to say goodbye to me in Pablo's portal before all my goodbyes had even started. He was a little awkward, but he still smiled through all of it and gave me a big bear hug.
After I said goodbye to him, I returned to the bica with la gente, apparently Pablers (this boy is golden, I tell ya) explained to Iván how my blog was way over-exaggerated and later that night, Iván ACTUALLY texted me first. Everything was explained and neatly folded into place. He told me that he is always laughing when he is with me, and that we will definitely see each other when I return.
Oh yeah, also at the Bicafe, right after the bosquedores (David and Bianca) left me with Adrián, Paula, and Aisa and I was sitting there dealing with that awful throat-on-fire experience, Juan and Orchi walked by and I called Juan's name and waved. He came up to me and gave me dos besos and then asked me 20 questions about my travel and kept talking about how he had wanted to hang out "what time is your train in the morning? What time to you have to go home tonight, maybe orchi and I will take a vuelta back around here", flattering stuff like that. Later we talked on twitter and I told him that I would come back in the summer, and he told me that he would be "enchanted" to hang with me and that I seem to him to be a muy buena chica.
I love who I am here. I love this town. I love my friends. I love that people like me and want to be my friends.
Pablers also showed up at the bicafe. I gave him my letter and he gave me a scarf from my favorite store here. Saying goodbye to him stopped my breath. It just stopped.
He told me last night that he keeps reading and rereading my letter and that it makes him emotional and he never gets emotional over people.
How did I end up affecting so many lives?....
This morning I said goodbye to Manoli and Iria.
Ouch, another stab to the heart right there. I keep picturing them carrying on with their Spanish life without me.
Two people at the kitchen table instead of three.
Manqoli won't be able to say "chicas" in the morning anymore because there will only be one chica.
Whhhhyyyyyyyyyy.
We got to the train station a whopping 40 minutes early because Manoli is efficient like that and I swear to you, she was sobbing and Iria had tears streaming down her face the whole entire time.
Of course, this didn't help my whole "being strong" thing because I kept thinking about how their tears mean they really did like me, but I managed to keep everything in my throat for the sake of them calming down to enjoy a last normal 5 minutes.
That awful burning feeling again.
Some besos and a chao and now here I am.
I hate that this is over, I'm really upset about it. However, everything ended up neatly and I can smile about all of my goodbyes. There is nothing that I can say that I regret except for not taking more pictures. I mean, 357 is pretty good, but you can never have enough pictures.
My story has come to a full and complete circle, and what a precious story it was.
Now off to meet Álvaro.....
I still find myself getting caught up in a memory. I'll be walking through the halls at Bedford and I'll smile because I'm still living in the BiCafé and Paula is laughing at something David said, or I'll wince at something embarrassing that I said in class or to a group of cute boys. 
This is probably really unhealthy, but I just hate everything that brings me further away. The days and the seconds and the mean girls at school who can knock me down with just one glance are all pulling me away from my españoles. They pick me up and just tug me away just like that train and all of those planes. 
I still remember how to trust people and just "déjalo" when they let you down.
